Hello.
It's either all or nothing, isn't it? you can do as much as you can or you can do nothing at all, because when you do things in moderation, bit by bit, it just doesn't seem to tie together so well when it's finished.
when you look back at the year you've had, and where you were at this exact point 12 months before, has anything changed? has everything gotten better - or has it just not happened? the funniest thing, or maybe it's the saddest because I'm not sure anymore, is that I was probably in this same spot, sat in my bedroom with no boyfriend to call, no money to go for a drink and no story to tell. My life has been at a stand still for 12 months, and yeah, I've had some good times and some things that have made me briefly forget my issues in the days behind us, but nothing has really changed.
I don't even know if I'm going to post this because it's not exactly the sort of thing that I'm used to posting about, but I'm at a point where I just need to just let it out, because everything has become just a little too much for me at the moment. not everyone can go through life and ignore their issues and even though I wish that I was one of those people, I'm just not, and its tough.
Around about 12/13 months ago, a very close person to me passed away, and it was really hard to just get up and keep going but I had to, and now it's a year on and getting up and carrying on is getting a little hard. I have too much stress in my life. I have pressure coming from friends, because they rely on me to keep it together and do what they need me to do, and it's the same with my family, only with added pressure that our house may be taken from us. I have a homophobic brother and a dad who's equally as bad and I've tried coping with it but it's just so painful to know you aren't really accepted by two thirds of your family.
I'm incredibly lonely and I have been for a while now, and that's why I watch films all the time and I listen to music like it's the only way I can breath, because without it, I'm just me and I'm alone again, thinking too much into stupid things I've done and just generally over thinking everything. I keep up a whole image of confidence and slight vanity because if I didn't pretend anymore, I'd just be me - an average at best looking guy with a Manc accent and a body I don't like looking at. if someone finds me attractive, I try not to get my hopes up because chances are, they're more into someone else or they'll sober up and realise I wasn't exactly what they wanted. I've always been a romantic and because of all these stupid films I watch to keep me from reality, I end up in pain after someone seems interested and ends up actually not, because I'm too easy let my walls down and care for them when they're too drunk or talk to them when they message after it all, wanting to be friends. it all tears me apart inside.
I'm not writing this because I'm giving up, I'm just writing it because I need to let it out and stop just going about my life making out to people that everything is fine, when it isn't. I'm not depressed, I'm just overwhelmed and I feel like I've hit rock bottom. I know that the only way out is up, but I just need that one push in the right direction to get out of it. People in life have it much worse than me, but at the moment I just feel alone in it all and i need a little help. I know this all sounds like I'm just being stupid or something but take it as you will, because we all have moments like this, and mine just seem to come at the same time.
Tuesday 15 July 2014
Tuesday 8 July 2014
FILM WEEK PT 1 - THE BEST SO FAR...
Hello Internet People!
I always seem to start this with apologies, but this time I've been so busy I've just not had the chance to sit down and write for you beautiful people, but I'm here now and whenever I'm available I'll sit down and post a little something for you!
So, let's get started on this weeks theme! I've chosen to talk about films basically because I've been trying to keep myself up to date, seeing as there's been a bucket load of good films that have come out or are coming out in the not so distant future that everyone has been raving about, so I felt the need to try and watch as many of them as I could.
Why don't we start with the big one - The Fault In Our Stars. I went in to see this with such low expectations, because although it's the only thing people have been able to talk about in the past few months, I just wasn't really too excited. For me, the trailer just really didn't do much to make me want to see it, but I still went anyway, and it was a great call that I did. The film was just emotional and beautiful, and I cried 4 or 5 times throughout because it was just one of those films where the plot just sweeps you away on a journey and the acting is so stripped down and raw that you feel closer to the characters. I don't think I'd be able to see it again or buy the DVD or anything, because it just gives off this feeling that it's just too big a film to watch on a smaller screen. I don't know how, on a $12 million budget they managed to land 3 of the biggest up & coming actors in the industry to star and draw in Laura Dern & Willem Dafoe as support, but they just all worked flawlessly together, and if you haven't seen it, then go, seriously it's well worth it.
If you aren't into your marvel, you probably won't have seen this then but Captain America: Winter Soldier was sublime. It's just intelligent, well casted and gripping - so, basically everything you'd want in a good action film! Seeing as it is a sequel to a film that was brilliant but struggled in the box office, there wasn't much expectation for a second, but i have to say, I'm so glad that they made it! I'm a full on Marvel nerd when it comes to the films and i don't think I've missed one yet (apart from the 2003 piece of crap 'Hulk') and i wasn't planning on missing this one either! you don't necessarily need to see the first one to watch this, so just watch it, and thank me later!
Okay, I have to be honest, when i watched Bad Neighbours i hated it a little, because although it was funny at parts, it just seemed a little over the top at times and then there were parts that i just felt full on awkward at! Don't get me wrong, it's got a great cast and some parts that will make you laugh out loud, and I probably will watch it again because it is a good film, but I just hate awkward moments during a film, but it's all a matter of taste i guess. If you watch or re-watch it, look out for Nick from New Girl and Casey from The Mindy Show - blink and you'll miss them.
I'll be short and sweet with this one because the trailer should have sold it for you already, but my god, you all need to see A Million Ways To Die In The West, because it's fucking hilarious! Oh! And The Other Woman because that's great and probably worth it enough to see Jaime Lannister being humiliated by three beautiful girls!
I always seem to start this with apologies, but this time I've been so busy I've just not had the chance to sit down and write for you beautiful people, but I'm here now and whenever I'm available I'll sit down and post a little something for you!
So, let's get started on this weeks theme! I've chosen to talk about films basically because I've been trying to keep myself up to date, seeing as there's been a bucket load of good films that have come out or are coming out in the not so distant future that everyone has been raving about, so I felt the need to try and watch as many of them as I could.
Why don't we start with the big one - The Fault In Our Stars. I went in to see this with such low expectations, because although it's the only thing people have been able to talk about in the past few months, I just wasn't really too excited. For me, the trailer just really didn't do much to make me want to see it, but I still went anyway, and it was a great call that I did. The film was just emotional and beautiful, and I cried 4 or 5 times throughout because it was just one of those films where the plot just sweeps you away on a journey and the acting is so stripped down and raw that you feel closer to the characters. I don't think I'd be able to see it again or buy the DVD or anything, because it just gives off this feeling that it's just too big a film to watch on a smaller screen. I don't know how, on a $12 million budget they managed to land 3 of the biggest up & coming actors in the industry to star and draw in Laura Dern & Willem Dafoe as support, but they just all worked flawlessly together, and if you haven't seen it, then go, seriously it's well worth it.
If you aren't into your marvel, you probably won't have seen this then but Captain America: Winter Soldier was sublime. It's just intelligent, well casted and gripping - so, basically everything you'd want in a good action film! Seeing as it is a sequel to a film that was brilliant but struggled in the box office, there wasn't much expectation for a second, but i have to say, I'm so glad that they made it! I'm a full on Marvel nerd when it comes to the films and i don't think I've missed one yet (apart from the 2003 piece of crap 'Hulk') and i wasn't planning on missing this one either! you don't necessarily need to see the first one to watch this, so just watch it, and thank me later!
Okay, I have to be honest, when i watched Bad Neighbours i hated it a little, because although it was funny at parts, it just seemed a little over the top at times and then there were parts that i just felt full on awkward at! Don't get me wrong, it's got a great cast and some parts that will make you laugh out loud, and I probably will watch it again because it is a good film, but I just hate awkward moments during a film, but it's all a matter of taste i guess. If you watch or re-watch it, look out for Nick from New Girl and Casey from The Mindy Show - blink and you'll miss them.
I'll be short and sweet with this one because the trailer should have sold it for you already, but my god, you all need to see A Million Ways To Die In The West, because it's fucking hilarious! Oh! And The Other Woman because that's great and probably worth it enough to see Jaime Lannister being humiliated by three beautiful girls!
PERSON OF THE WEEK
Okay, I already sort ruined this one for you on twitter, but this week it's...
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| source |
Basically, he's an Aussie YouTuber that's been getting a bit of notice recently by the likes of Troye Sivan, Tyler Oakley & Conner Franta. He's just honest and awkward, and he's worth a watch! You can watch my favourite video of his by clicking here, or check out his channel by clicking on his name!
I hope this wasn't too long winded, but I really didn't have much time to sort out a better theme, so let me know if this was alright for you, or if it was in fact too long and dull! I love to hear your comments and you know that you guys keep me sane! Love you & see you at PT 2!
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